Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
