Whod you bang
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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