Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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