Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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