I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
