ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
