Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
