remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
