u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
