She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
