I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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