two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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