Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
