I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
