At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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