If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
