I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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