I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
