I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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