He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
