Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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