i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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