i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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