i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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