we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
