New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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