The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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