Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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