just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
