I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
