She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
