just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
