I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
