I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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