i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
