rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
