There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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