the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
