I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
