theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
