We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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