I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
