my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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