I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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