If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
