K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
