She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
