Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
