11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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