I think i peed on brittanys purse
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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