I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize