her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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