now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
