The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
