guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
