Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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