girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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