My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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