next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
