So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
