Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
