Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
