porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
