She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
