After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
