take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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