she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
