i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
