dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
