I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
