i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
