but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
