Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
