So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
