please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
