...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
