shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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